Bella’s Long Weekend

Now I am sure you’re wondering
What Bella did each day;
While you were up at Indian Arm
At home she didn’t stay.

On Saturday she went to space
In search of fashion trends;
Although the stores weren’t up to much
She made some starfish friends.

She swam across a tranquil sea
Under the starry skies;
Around and round the moon she went
She never saw sunrise.

She cloned a pig with Pegasus
So that the pig could fly;
She flew it to the sun and back –
It didn’t crispify.

She starred on Sunday’s Muppets Show
When they were out on tour;
Miss Piggy tried to upstage her,
They settled for a draw.

She read a Song of Ice and Fire
Then wrote the last two books;
She made sure dragons ruled the world
As barbecuing cooks.

She rode upon a unicorn
That thought it was the last;
But Bella found its family
Within the sea amassed.

On Monday Bella brokered peace
Across the Middle East;
She solved their problems with her purrs,
Hostilities then ceased.

She fought Medusa, Gorgon Queen,
With hissing snakes for hair;
But Bella wasn’t petrified,
She froze it with her stare.

She learned the truth of alchemy
Transmuting gold from lead;
She made her fortune, piled it high,
She used it as her bed.

So now you know what Bella did
While you were up the creek;
She’s really very tired now –
She might just sleep the week.

The Compleat Westeros Bastards

There once was a sellsword named Sand
The quickest in all of the land;
She disabled her foes
With her very first blows,
They weren’t half as good with one hand.


There was a young squire named Stone,
A craven who had no backbone;
When told he must fight,
He tried to take flight,
So out of the Moon Door was thrown.


There was a keen sparrow named Rivers
Whose militant faith gave him shivers;
He butchered and swore
Defending the poor,
He prayed that the Gods would forgive us.


There was a handmaiden named Hill
Whose Lordship she wanted to kill;
She waited for rain,
Then poppied his brain
And stabbed his eyes out with a quill.


There was once a mad bastard named Pyke
Who when raiding decided to strike;
He wanted more gold,
Demanded tenfold,
So his head went on top of a spike.


There once was a woman called Flowers
Who possessed supernatural powers;
Although she grew stronger,
The Maesters refused her,
So blew up the Citadel towers.


There was an old Goldcloak named Waters,
Survivor of multiple slaughters;
He lived through wildfires
And Aerys’ pyres
But died at the hands of his daughters.


There was a skilled hedge knight called Storm
Who fought for a blue uniform;
When confronting the Maid,
Her full beauty displayed,
Was senseless and couldn’t perform.


There was a young bastard named Snow
Who thought he could fly like a Crow
He jumped from the Wall,
The ground broke his fall,
The Wildlings enjoyed his short show.