On stormy nights when thunder rolls
Across the open seas,
The pirate ship that good folk dread
Sails calmly on its breeze.
Destruction follows in its wake,
Fresh terror where wind blows;
“The Seabed” etched upon its bow
For where it sends its foes.
Its fearsome captain at the wheel
Commanding each attack;
Her infamy precedes her deeds:
She’s known as “Black Toed Jack”.
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She tracked the ancient Argonauts
To Thessalian Greece;
Then stunning Jason with her sword
She stole the Golden Fleece.
She commandeered a spectral crew
Without a priest’s support;
Then broke the Flying Dutchman’s curse
By sailing it to port.
When mutineers opposed her will
She made them walk the plank;
Although they wore their PFDs
The sharks made sure they sank.
Around the globe she sailed three times
Pursuing Moby Dick;
When seamen shouted “Thar she blows!”
She caught him with a click.
She raised Atlantis from the deep
To prove it wasn’t lost;
Then let it sink back down again –
It’s upkeep too high cost.
She beat the ghost of Davy Jones
At underwater chess;
The penalty for his defeat:
To wear a muumuu dress.
She found the Monte Cristo gold,
So took it for her own;
Forgetten in her Bitcoin vault,
Two thousand times it’s grown.
When Blackbeard tried to steal her loot
Her cutlass proved the best;
With six quick flicks she shaved him clean,
Providing birds a nest.
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So that my friends is just a taste
Of what awaits at sea;
If you should sight the Pirate Queen
Trim sails, dear fools, and flee!
If Lady Luck be yours that day
So fickle winds be true,
Then count your blessings you escaped
A fatal rendez-vous.
But if no smiles does she bestow
Despite how hard you pray,
Then Black Toed Jack will take what’s hers –
You’re going down this day.