You know what I need? A survival guide
For when the shuffling zombie hordes arrive;
Instructions for when I should run and hide,
With fighting techniques for staying alive.
No hold up, scratch that, what I really need
Is a kick-ass guide for vampire slaying;
How to save my neck when they try to feed,
Avoid their glamours with well-placed staking.
Or maybe, just maybe, what I need most
Is a guide to surviving high school cliques;
At my current rate I’m as good as toast,
Always marginalised with the other freaks.
In life’s monster’s ball you’re sure to be trolled,
That’s doubly true when you’re thirteen years old.