The Compleat Westeros Bastards

There once was a sellsword named Sand
The quickest in all of the land;
She disabled her foes
With her very first blows,
They weren’t half as good with one hand.


There was a young squire named Stone,
A craven who had no backbone;
When told he must fight,
He tried to take flight,
So out of the Moon Door was thrown.


There was a keen sparrow named Rivers
Whose militant faith gave him shivers;
He butchered and swore
Defending the poor,
He prayed that the Gods would forgive us.


There was a handmaiden named Hill
Whose Lordship she wanted to kill;
She waited for rain,
Then poppied his brain
And stabbed his eyes out with a quill.


There was once a mad bastard named Pyke
Who when raiding decided to strike;
He wanted more gold,
Demanded tenfold,
So his head went on top of a spike.


There once was a woman called Flowers
Who possessed supernatural powers;
Although she grew stronger,
The Maesters refused her,
So blew up the Citadel towers.


There was an old Goldcloak named Waters,
Survivor of multiple slaughters;
He lived through wildfires
And Aerys’ pyres
But died at the hands of his daughters.


There was a skilled hedge knight called Storm
Who fought for a blue uniform;
When confronting the Maid,
Her full beauty displayed,
Was senseless and couldn’t perform.


There was a young bastard named Snow
Who thought he could fly like a Crow
He jumped from the Wall,
The ground broke his fall,
The Wildlings enjoyed his short show.

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